The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
