I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
