All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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