i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
