I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
