look no pants
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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