textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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