I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
