Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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