hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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