So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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