Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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