my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
this boner is exhausting
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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