you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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