these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
