I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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