Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
