Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
