It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
