i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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