Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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