Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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