so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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