I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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