allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
