Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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