i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Randomize
