man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
