He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
