Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
