You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
