I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
