Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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