Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize