i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
