You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
