You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize