i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
