Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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