So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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