Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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