Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
