This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
