dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
