the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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