Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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