Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
