Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She told me I should be a condom model.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
