It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
