for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
