I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
