I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I am naked and annoyed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
