No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
