I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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