new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
