I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
