i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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