His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So much rum. So many feels.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
