So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
