The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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