i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize