Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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