So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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