Can i not drive my cunt home
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
