I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
