Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize