Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
