Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
