the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize