i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
