I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
