I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
