hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
