You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
