He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
that may or may not have been my penis.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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