I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
