My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize