the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
