You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
