Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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