u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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