We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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