dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
