how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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