How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
