Plan B is the new Plan A
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
