3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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