So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
