on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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