Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?

Fav 5 1068 4355
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(423): View more from Tennessee

he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses

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(404): View more from Georgia

You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph

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(+61): View more from Australia

We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.

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(503): View more from Oregon

So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place

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(347): View more from New York

No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.

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