Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
