You're so nebulous sometimes
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
