I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
