i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
