The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize