well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
