a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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