I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
