you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
