she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
