Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize