Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
