Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
