SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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