she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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