what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
soo... how was my night?
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