i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize