im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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