he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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