It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
