Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We don't watch enough power rangers
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
