Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
