Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
