why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
