I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
