I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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