yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
